I Say You the Bestest
by parisnights
Summary: Where Beck and Jade are miserable... until they meet again.
1. The Coffee's Never Strong Enough

hi. yeah, i don't know what i'm doing here. product of my boredom probably. this will be short. i plan on finishing this before christmas break's over. hope you like it. :)

**Prologue:  
><strong>**The Coffee's Never Strong Enough**

The flashing lights were blinding. He gripped her slim waist harder for support she couldn't give. He curled his fists as he turned to the crowd before him with the fakest of grins. The noise was deafening and it only served to worsen his throbbing headache.

The arm wrapped around her waist fell to his side once she started walking further down the red carpet. He glanced at her direction and found her wordlessly trying to tell him to follow her and he did. In the most robotic of ways, he did. Robotic was his life now.

They reached the end and he breathed a sigh of relief. He looked up to find her glaring at him, brown eyes ablaze and teeth clenched. She hated him. And he hated her.

The night had just begun but he was already so exhausted.

* * *

><p>The sound of a bell dinging forced the pair of dull blue eyes away from the even duller words of a badly written script. Putting her pen down and wiping her hands across the faded green apron she wore around her waist, the coffee shop waitress stood from a stool and walked to the register.<p>

"Tall Chai Tea Latte, please."

"3.50." Monotone. She was a walking monotone.

A drink served, a customer pleased and the sound of the bell dinging once again brought her back to the script she was reading earlier and she winced. She winced at the thought of the life she was living. She longed for a life far from this.

"_It is true, Michelle. I left her. I left Sabrina. I'm in love with you, and only you."_ Oh someone save her from this God awful writing.

* * *

><p>Claps echoed inside the theater. Some were standing and some were cheering. Apparently the movie was a success, but he felt like nothing but a failure.<p>

He turned to her. She was standing and waving and smiling at the crowd as if she was the happiest woman on earth. As if she wasn't at all furious with him. Because this is what she cared about – the lights and the recognition, the claps and the cheers. She didn't care about him and she didn't care about them. He was just another thing to show off.

He stood and joined her like the good little boyfriend he was expected to be, but he wanted none of it if it meant having to share it with her. He wasn't in love with her and he was afraid it would show in his eyes.

* * *

><p>She closed the door quietly behind her, afraid she would rouse the sleeping child down the hall. She hung her coat and purse and faced the pimply teenager who lived in the apartment above theirs. She handed her the money and showed her out, not a word slipping from her frowning lips.<p>

She walked further into the cramped apartment, reaching the child's bedroom, opening the door. The room was dark, save for the flickering coming from the star-shaped night light in the corner.

She crept to the small bed occupying half of the room and sat down beside her daughter's sleeping form. She placed her hand on the little girl's cheek and choked on unshed tears as she noticed the contrast of her pale white skin to her daughter's olive-colored one.

But she didn't cry. She never cries.

She pulled the covers up and slipped under them. The child, seeming to sense her presence, snuggled up to her mother's chest and rested her small hand above her slow beating heart. She wrapped the covers around her and her daughter and held her close.

She wanted to change her life but she wasn't willing to change having her.

* * *

><p>The door to the master bedroom slammed shut and he was afraid the glass windows in their house would shatter. He knew she could no longer stand his presence for tonight. Truthfully, he couldn't stand hers anymore either.<p>

He walked over to the bar and made himself a drink. He felt the hot liquid burning his throat and clouding his senses. He closed his eyes and gripped his long, greasy hair as he made his way to the guest bedroom upstairs.

He fell to the bed, still in his expensive suit, and screamed.


	2. I Want a Ticket to Anywhere

thank you for the reviews and alerts and favorites everyone. i'm glad some of you are confused. try to guess who beck's girlfriend is before you start reading this chapter. it will be revealed here. :)

a fair warning: characters may be a bit ooc. i imagine getting older has changed them. btw, if any of you are interested, this story's title and the chapters' are from songs which I do not own. another thing I don't own? victorious. if i did, i'm telling you all, tori vega would cease to exist.

**Chapter 1:  
>I Want a Ticket to Anywhere<strong>

Jade West doesn't love many things, but she does love New York in the morning.

Except when her coffee burns her tongue and then spills all over her books, and when the homeless man who resides in the alley by their building tries to grab her ass, and when she's running late 'cause her three year old refuses to leave for day care where apparently "all the mean big kid peopwe awe." She figured her definition of mean differed from that of her daughter's.

"Walk faster, Jamie."

"I'm twying, mommy!" Her daughter stomped her foot on a puddle and got muddy water all over her burgundy coat. She sighed in frustration as she lifted her daughter to rest on her right hip and started sprinting to the day care center.

Jamie squealed in delight as the fall morning wind whipped across her blushing cheeks. Jade laughed. She only ever laughed in front of her daughter nowadays.

Jade loved New York mornings, but only because it's the only time of day she gets to spend with her daughter.

* * *

><p>Beck Oliver wanted to yell at whoever was ringing the doorbell this early in the morning.<p>

His head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds and his legs felt too weak for walking. Sleep no longer came easy for him. He was always too tired to rest.

He swung the heavy wooden door open and found his dark-skinned friend with his head hung low.

"Hey, Beck." It was said so softly, Beck didn't know if it was really said.

"Andre."

"She called me, man. I didn't-" He didn't let him finish.

"It's okay, man. You know where she is."

There was silence for a few seconds. Beck was rubbing his eyes and looking defeated. Andre had his hands in his pockets, looking guilty.

"I'm sorry, Beck." And he made his way to the master bedroom.

Everyone's sorry for Beck now.

* * *

><p>"<em>Oh, Jonathan. This isn't right. You can't cheat on Sabrina. You love her."<em>

"_No I don't. I love _you, _Michelle."_

She felt there should be a law forbidding college freshmen from writing play scripts this horrible. But who was she to complain? She was merely Michelle Understudy. She's always been an understudy and she figured she always will be at the rate her life was going.

"_Don't say that, Jonathan. You love Sabrina. Not me. She's beautiful and rich and-"_

"_And you're perfect, Michelle. You're perfect."_

She felt like throwing up at the cheesiness of it all. This play was a lie. These things don't happen in real life. Cynical, she knew.

"_Oh, Jonathan. I love you!"_

"_I love you, too-"_

"STOP!"

All eyes in the room were on her. Her breathing was heavy and her pupils were dilated. Why did she do what she just did? She didn't know either.

"Ms. West? Is there a problem here?" her performing arts professor asked her and she wanted nothing more than to break the man's head off and roast it above a pit of raging fire. She found him too hideous for her eyes. And too arrogant.

She walked out of that class.

* * *

><p>He was sitting in the living room, on a couch more expensive than a third world country's funding for education with a tumbler of scotch in hand.<p>

He could hear them. He heard the wooden headboard break and the bedside lamp fall off the table. He heard their screams but he did nothing to stop them.

He was numb and he no longer cared.

He figured Andre could show himself out. He was going to take a shower and he was getting out of there.

* * *

><p>When she walked inside the coffee shop where she worked, she spotted her boss in the middle of a circle of her coworkers. She joined them and heard the last bit of what sounded like a sorry speech.<p>

"...have to lay off some of our employees."

And she just knew she was one of them. It was another thing gone wrong in her life. So she didn't even bother.

She turned around and walked out the door, the small bell dinging in her wake. She seemed to be doing that a lot now. Walking away.

* * *

><p>"I'm taking a trip."<p>

"...no you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am. Look Paul, I'd love to just sit here and argue with you like 5 year olds all day long but I have a plane to catch. I'll see you when I get back, alright?"

He didn't give his manager a chance to reply and hung up.

He was about to board a plane going far, far away from Los Angeles, way over to the other side of America. He was going to New York and he was going to take a break.

Maybe there he could learn to live on his own for a while and not have to answer to anyone. Maybe going to New York can give him a fresh start.

His phone suddenly lit up, a name flashing on the screen. _DO NOT ANSWER. _Call ignored.

Maybe in New York he could grow some balls and finally break up with Tori Vega.

_You have one new message._ _A screech. Beckett Oliver, where the hell are you? You son of a bitch! You spilled scotch all over the damn new table! You-. _Message deleted.

Maybe in New York he can finally find what he's been looking for.

* * *

><p>She counted the bills and coins laid out on the table. Not enough. Not nearly enough to pay for everything. She placed her head in her cold hands and almost cried. Almost.<p>

"Mommy?" a soft voice called out and she almost believed they'd make it.

She wiped her face and took a deep breath before facing her daughter.

"Hey, Jamie. Why aren't you in bed?" A sad smile found itself on her lips.

"Bad dweam." Jade hated it when she pouted. She looked so much like him.

Standing up from the table, the 21 year old opened her arms out in front of her and the little girl ran to her and jumped. Jade caught her. She promised to always catch her.

"Let's go sleep in my room."

And she laid her daughter's head on her shoulder as she made her way to her bedroom. She kissed her forehead and hugged her tighter.

She wasn't going to screw Jamie up. She wasn't going to end up like her mother.


	3. The Bittersweet between My Teeth

you're all so wonderful. :) i'm sorry i didn't update sooner. it was a busy week for me, i celebrated my birthday yesterday and i got a new macbook so I had to transfer all my files from my old one to this one, and i kind of just got stuck. but it's here now. though i think it's an awful chapter. probably won't meet your standards. sorry. sigh.

another warning: i don't live in new york, not even in america, so forgive me for any errors i've made or will make in this story with regards to locations and such.

let's all just face it. no one who posts on this site owns any tv show, book, or movie. it's a sad life we're all living really.

**Chapter 2:  
>The Bittersweet between My Teeth<strong>

Beck booked the cheapest room in the cheapest hotel he could find. It was in his best interest to be somewhere people did not expect him to be. He wanted to avoid bumping into anyone he might know.

He'd been to New York before, to a premiere with Tori because he was supposed to, because he had to. He barely got away from her. He swore he could still feel her bony hands and sharp nails digging into his skin. It made him shudder. Needless to say, he never got the chance to explore.

He was walking around with no particular destination in mind. He had just arrived and it felt weird to be by himself. He didn't want to say alone because he's always felt alone anyway.

He stopped in front of a small coffee shop, where the scent of freshly brewed drinks wafted through the cold air. It reminded him of a time and of a place, when and where his life didn't suck so badly and he didn't feel the need to drown himself in endless amounts of alcohol every single night. It reminded him of a person.

It made him smile. But it was a sad smile.

* * *

><p>"No day cawe today, momma?"<p>

"Uh, no baby it's a Saturday so mommy doesn't have school." And mommy no longer has a job.

"Oh, okay."

The pair was walking through Central Park, something they rarely did. Hard to believe after almost four years of living in the city.

"Whewe we goin', momma?"

"Aunt Cat wants to see you." Jade was distracted. She didn't know with what. It was something in the air.

She didn't hear her daughter squeal but she felt her free herself from her mother's grasp. It made her panic. The thought of losing Jamie always did.

"Auntie Cat!" She never thought she'd have a daughter who squeals.

"Ha! Jamie!" Cat giggled and Jade felt like she was back home. If it ever really was home. "Jadey!"

"Stop calling me that!" was her automatic response.

"Mommy that was mean!" Jamie scolded from Cat's arms and Jade hated it like she hated seeing her pout. Jamie controlled her now. She calmed her down. Just like he used to.

* * *

><p>Beck was sitting in an ice cream store with a chocolate cone in one hand and his phone in the other. A million text messages and a million more voice messages, all from Tori. He'd be flattered from the concern, but he knew she didn't really care about him. Just her image.<p>

He hasn't eaten ice cream in such a long time, he almost forgot it tended to melt after a while. He remembered it did when sticky thick liquid started running down his fingers.

He hurriedly grabbed for tissues and started licking the drops on his hand. His head was bent, so he didn't notice the three people who entered the otherwise empty store.

* * *

><p>Jade looked at Cat. She attends Juilliard now and when Jade found out, she wanted to rip the girl's glaring red hair off. She felt it wasn't fair. She felt life wasn't fair to her.<p>

But Cat was too nice and she helped her out a lot with Jamie, she couldn't stay mad. She felt Cat was her only real friend and she was glad she lived in New York now too, though she'd never admit it.

She felt a tug on her hand and looked down at Jamie's shining brown eyes. She saw nothing but innocence, and she envied that. "Mommy, I want ice cweam."

Cat giggled. "It's ice _cream_, Jamie." Because apparently a three year old was supposed to have perfect enunciation.

"Ice _cweam_!" Jamie giggled and Jade almost cringed. Her daughter spent way too much time with Cat. "Puhwease momma!"

Jade remembered the money they had left. They barely had enough to buy milk and eggs and pay for the rent. She was about to say no but Jamie was pouting. It looked so familiar, she could almost pretend he was right there in front of her.

"I'll buy you your ice cweam, Jamie!" Jade sighed in relief and sent Cat a look. She figured that was thank you enough.

* * *

><p>"Cocowate on a coney!"<p>

"Ah! Me, too!" Beck swore he knew that voice. _Drip._ How his ice cream was melting so fast was beyond him. _Lick._

"You're both too insane for words." He _knew_ that voice. He knew it better than his own. He couldn't be wrong. He could never mistake it for anyone else's.

"What will you have, Jadey?" _Jade._

* * *

><p>"Jade?"<p>

She turned at the sound of her name and froze. She knew that voice and she knew that face. She didn't think she'd see him this soon. Of course, seeing him on TV and the big screen didn't count.

"Beck!" Cat squealed from behind her but his eyes were planted on her. "Beck! It's me, Cat! Oh my gosh, how are you?"

Jade wasn't very into clichés. She hated storybook endings and she hated sappy love stories. She knew they were nothing but lies.

Jade was different from most girls. She wasn't very much of a romantic and her actions were always unexpected.

So Jade West lifted her daughter into her arms and ran out of the ice cream store as fast as she could without a glance back.

And Beck Oliver's eyes were trained on her until she rounded a corner and he couldn't see her anymore.


	4. Already Broken, Already Gone

you all never fail to amaze me. thank you. :)

i'm sorry if jamie's inability to enunciate words properly annoys some of you. it's just how i imagined she'd talk. i'll try not to give her much dialogue next time.

i know my portrayal of tori may throw some of you off. she just rubs me the wrong way. though i have nothing against victoria justice and her fans. i'm just not that fond of tori herself as a character.

this chapter will contain flashbacks. maybe answer some of your questions regarding jade. :)

i don't own victorious. if i did, the only "big change" happening between beck and jade is jade changing her last name to oliver.

**Chapter 3:  
><strong>**Already Broken, Already Gone**

_She felt suffocated. Every accidental bump on her shoulder, every accidental step on her foot, every accidental whip of her hair made her scowl. And made her feel like there was no way out of the wide and spacious hallway she was in._

_She reached her locker and suddenly her eyesight grew blurry. Suddenly her legs were weak and her stomach started turning. Everything was spinning. Too fast, too much._

_And then it stopped, so she took advantage. She ran to the nearest lavatory, uncaring of the people she shoved away in order to get there._

_One of those people however happened to be Cat Valentine. And Cat being Cat, she ran after her friend in concern._

_When Cat entered the bathroom, she saw red Dr. Martens peeking out of a stall. She was bothered, but not by the shoes. The sound of retching reached her ears and she gasped._

_"Jade? Jadey? Are you okay?" She said it in her baby voice. She knew her friend hated it so therefore would catch her attention._

_The stall door flew open and Jade was looking over her shoulder at Cat with a mean glare and gritted teeth. And traces of vomit on her lips and chin._

_Cat gasped again. She tried to move her hands from her open mouth to Jade's arms but she wouldn't have it. She pushed her hands away and Cat looked genuinely hurt._

_"What's wrong, Jade?" Her voice sounded so small, Jade almost wanted to apologize. But she wasn't one for saying she was sorry._

_"Stay out of it, Cat!" Jade snapped in hopes of scaring her away. It worked. Cat ran, her red hair flailing around her. Cat ran, and Jade envied her. Cat was lucky she could run from this._

_She stood up and went to the sink, grabbing her toothbrush from her bag. When she was done cleaning her teeth, she stared at herself in the mirror and in that moment she swore she had already changed._

_She tried to imagine what she'd look like with a wailing child. The sight scared her, made her cringe. Who wouldn't at 18?_

_She had considered her options but in the end decided she would regret losing the child growing inside of her. She felt it was uncharacteristic of her. But again, she already felt the changes._

_She put her hands on her still flat stomach and felt tears welling in her eyes, threatening to spill over. She sucked in a deep breath and held her head high. She marched out of the ladies' room and pushed the first dweeb she saw out of her way._

"_Get out of my way!"_

_She knew she has or was about to change. Doesn't mean the rest of the world should be informed too._

_Back in the bathroom, Tori Vega emerged from a previously closed stall. She looked disgusted._

_"She didn't even flush the toilet?"_

* * *

><p>Cat was talking in the background but he wasn't listening. He suddenly felt the need to gulp down tumbler after tumbler of pure, unadulterated scotch. He wanted something to burn his throat, to burn him. To numb him from this pain.<p>

It hurt to see her run away from him. Again.

He looked at Cat. She was blabbing on and on about a thing or another, but the questions in his head were louder than her absurd stories.

The one question he thought to ask Cat was, "Where does she live, Cat?"

"Where does who live?" She tried to act innocent. With her big brown eyes, it wasn't hard.

"Tell me, Cat."

"Ah! I can't!" Cat's shrieks rattled his eardrums.

Beck was suddenly extremely frustrated. He practically jumped out of the metal chair, slamming his ice cream cone down on the matching metal table and lunged at the wide-eyed redhead.

"Tell me, Cat! Tell me! Please!" He was gripping her arms so hard. He was desperate. He turned desperate the moment he looked up from his ice cream and saw her.

"Ouch, Beck!" Only now did he begin to understand how much Jade used to hate Cat's whining. "That hurts! Let me go!"

"Cat, please. Not until you tell me where she is."

* * *

><p>The door slammed shut behind them and she breathed a heavy sigh of relief. She decided life was absolutely cruel. No doubt about it now.<p>

Her daughter's cries sounded like nails on a chalkboard at that moment.

"Mommy! Auntie Cat!"

"Shh, Jamie. You're giving mommy a headache." She put Jamie down, but the toddler clung to her leg.

"Mommy!" Jade tried to walk and in effect dragged Jamie along the floor. "Mommy, no!"

"Jamie, let go!"

"No, mommy! Stop! Mommy!"

"Jamie! Let go of my leg!"

"NO!"

Jade snapped. She grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her on the couch. Her belt was gone and wrapped around her fist in seconds. _Whack. _Jamie screamed.

"MOMMY!"

She hit the sofa. Because no matter how furious she was, she would never hit her daughter. But she swore she was so close to it.

She fell to the floor. On her knees. A sobbing wreck.

She was crying. After three years, she finally let herself cry again. But she was weak. And she hated feeling weak.

Small hands grasped hers. The belt was removed from the hand that wasn't covering her mascara-stained face. Jamie gripped her face. She was crying too. Brown staring into blue.

"I love you, mommy."

In that moment, she hated herself for even thinking about hitting her daughter. She hated herself for not being better for her. For not giving her everything she deserved.

Because the little girl telling her she loved her even after what she did was the best thing that has ever happened to her.

"_Here she is! A healthy baby girl!"_

_A pink bundle was handed to her. She hated pink but was too tired to complain._

_She looked down at the baby's wrinkly, pink face. She may look like a dried raisin to anyone else, but to the 18-year-old holding her, she was the only beautiful thing left in her life._

"_Oh, Jadey! She's so cute!"_

_She couldn't tear her eyes away from her daughter. Her daughter._

_Before she came, Jade had thought her life was over. Her mother kicked her out after graduation, which was when she found out about Jade's pregnancy. She was shipped off to New York where her dad now lived with her stepmother. But her dad seemed even more disappointed than her mom, more than before. He ignored her as much as he could._

_And Beck. Beck. She ran away from Beck._

_She never could do anything right._

_But the tiniest, coldest hand grasped her finger and she looked down. What was she thinking? She could do something right. Looking into her baby's deep brown eyes, she knew. She knew she was right in keeping her._

"_Jamie," she whispered. "Jamie Caterina West." And a tear slipped and left a wet trail across her cheek._

_She heard Cat gasp. The redhead was there when her water broke, thankfully on a break from Juilliard. She took her to the hospital. She was right beside her during the delivery. Which was why she decided to name her daughter after her. Then she heard Cat squeal the softest squeal._

_The nurses kept moving around and Cat moved with them. But Jade didn't notice. Because Jamie was all she saw._

_She may be young. She may not know what she was doing. But Jamie was in her arms and she was real. And she loved her. Instantly._

_She looked up briefly and caught her father standing outside the delivery room with the most disappointed look on his aging face. More tears fell._

_Quickly, she looked back down at her daughter. She was all that mattered now._

"I love you, Jamie. Oh, mommy's so sorry."

And she pulled Jamie tightly to her chest and they cried together. They cried for each other.

* * *

><p>"Please don't tell her I told you where she lives, Beck! She'll be so mad!"<p>

"Yeah, Cat. I know. Thanks." Beck didn't even bother to look back at her as he rushed out of the ice cream store with his hand pulling at his hair.

"Excuse me, miss?" Cat turned to face the employee working the register. "Your chocolate cone."

"Oh, yay, ice cream!"


	5. Under Haunted Skies I See You

happy new year to all of you lovely people! :)

i have quite the dilemma. i'm back to school on the third so i'm afraid i won't be able to update as much as i would like to. i'm a senior and workload is way heavy in our school but i promise i will try my best. and i'm aiming to graduate high school with honors this march so wish me luck hehe. :) seems i've failed to accomplish my goal of finishing this before break's over. sigh.

tandre drama in this chapter and more flashbacks! longest chapter yet! please don't kill me if you find you don't like how i portray tori in this chapter. but there had to be an antagonist. sorry! questions will be answered soon, i promise!

meh, i hate being reminded of the things i lack. like ownership of the awesomeness that is victorious.

**Chapter 4:  
>Under Haunted Skies I See You<strong>

_He was floating. Nothing could ruin this perfectly good day. Not Sinjin and his lame advances at his girlfriend. Not Rex and his rudely inappropriate remarks. Not Trina and her narcissistic ways. Nothing._

"_Beck! Man, I heard! Congratulations!" Andre gave him a man hug. Like the ones guys do on television. A mixture of a high five, a handshake, a one arm hug and a pat on the back. Beck's grin grew wider._

"_Thanks, man. It's unbelievable." He was still in shock. Who wouldn't be in this situation?_

"_Man, movie star fresh out of high school! Dude, you better not forget me when you make it big." Beck's grin was infectious. It made Andre grin too. He was way too happy for his friend. Beck deserved it._

"_No way. I'm keeping you around, man." Beck always thought Andre was his best friend. Well aside from Jade, of course._

_Suddenly, people, students he's never even talked to before were coming up to him and congratulating him for being recruited by a big shot movie producer at the age of 18. It wasn't a rarity in Hollywood Arts, that's for sure, especially after every annual showcase. But Beck was Beck. And he was a well-loved guy and everyone was happy for him._

"_Beck!" He turned his head towards the general direction he heard the girlish scream come from. It wasn't Jade. The word girlish should have given that away._

_A body launched itself onto his and he caught it, stumbling back from the force. Thin arms were squeezing his neck and he almost couldn't breathe._

"_Beck, I'm so proud of you!" Tori's voice traveled to his ears and he immediately started to let go. Jade wouldn't be too happy about this._

"_Uhm, thanks, Tori." But she wouldn't take her arms away from him._

"_You deserve this more than anyone! I knew this would happen! Of course, you're one of the best!" She was grinning at him, her face dangerously close to his own and he felt extremely uncomfortable. His arms were at his sides but hers still gripped him. His grin was no longer on his face._

_Because as happy as he was, the thought of upsetting Jade upset him._

"_Promise me! Promise me we'll do a movie together someday! That you'll help me get in the business!" That should've been the first sign. There was something in her eyes and something in her smile. But he was too anxious to step out of her hold that he nodded his head before she even finished what she was saying._

"_Yeah, sure, Tori." He took her arms in his hands and unwound them from his neck, dropping them almost immediately after as if he was burned._

_Tori was his friend, but he never thought they were this close._

_A heavy hand landed on his shoulder. He turned to see Sikowitz sipping a coconut._

"_Congratulations, Beck. I always knew you had it in you." Sikowitz smiled and for once it wasn't weird. And his smile was back on his face._

_He felt great. He didn't know he was this known in his school. He was surprised and he was overwhelmed. He was happy to be celebrating with everyone, but one thing – rather person – can make him even happier._

_He had to find Jade. So once again he floated through the halls with the biggest smile on his face in search of her streaked hair and sarcastic smile. Because she's the only person he really wanted to share this with. To share everything with._

* * *

><p>"Where the fuck is he?" She was mad. No, she was beyond mad, beyond angry, she was downright furious with him.<p>

"Calm down, babe." Andre's words didn't stop her pacing. He swore if he squinted, he could see her burning trails across the lavish carpet of the bedroom floor where her cellphone lay, broken beyond repair.

"No! I will not calm down! I have another premiere in two days! Two fucking days and he's nowhere to be found! I'm gonna kill him!" He was surprised she hasn't lost her voice yet from all the screeching she's been doing.

He had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Why she still insisted on putting up this façade in front of the whole world when she had him, he didn't know, but he was sick of it. And he was sick of her attitude. This girl in front of him was not the girl he fell in love with.

Because Tori was now obsessed. Obsessed with the life she was living. With the fake and the lies and the make-believe. She was blinded by the fame, by the glitz and the glam. And she was no longer his Tori.

He got up and started to get dressed. Without seeing her, he knew she was starting to panic.

"Where are you going?" Paranoia. Crazed and edged.

"Home." Bitter and short and cold and detached. All rolled into that one word.

"What? Why? You can't leave me here! The paparazzi might see you're still here when Beck isn't anymore! No, you are not leaving this house, Andre!"

Andre was a patient person but even patient people snap.

"Will you shut up, Tori? For once, just shut up! Do you hear yourself? Do you know what you sound like?" He grabbed her wrists and pulled her to him. Fast and hard because now he was furious too.

"You let go of me, Andre," she seethed. Scowl on her face, murder in her eyes.

He ignored her.

"Do you know how selfish you sound? Huh?" His grip tightened and she almost let out a whimper if she wasn't so adamant on staying livid. "Who are you? Who are you and what the _fuck_ have you done to Tori?"

He pushed her away and she landed on the Egyptian cotton sheets of the big comfy bed with a scared expression on her face. Wet brown eyes and quivering thin lips. She's never been this terrified. Losing Andre terrified her.

"Andre. Andre, please." Because she loved him. She truly did, but she was afraid it might be too late. She didn't show him enough, didn't give him enough.

He was dressed and ready to go. But he turned back to her one last time in her open silk robe and tousled brown hair.

"It hurts me too, you know. It hurts Beck and it hurts me." And he had the saddest look on his face. It made her cry. Because only then did the guilt truly wash over her whole being.

He left that night with the familiar feeling of shame running through his system, following him from the large front double doors all the way to his car. All the way to his heart.

* * *

><p><em>The world around him was spinning. Colors. All he could see were colors. And figures. Bumping and grinding.<em>

_The alcohol was swirling inside him and his senses swirled right along. Clouds in his heart and in his head. Nothing was clear. He wanted nothing to be clear._

_He tried to get away from the dance floor but his feet were too heavy. And his heart was heavy. And his eyelids were heavy. And it hurt. Everything hurt._

_If he had the tiniest bit of sense left in him, he would've felt two skinny arms whisk him away. But he didn't._

"_Jade?" But he knew it wasn't her. He'd know if it was. Still, he'd like to think it was. That she was there and that she still cared. And that she hadn't left Los Angeles and hadn't left him. "Jade."_

_He was dropped on a bed. He didn't even realize he was being brought there. He lay down and he wanted nothing more than to cry. Because he didn't cry when she left, hasn't cried since. He wasn't one to cry. But two months later, he wanted nothing more._

"_Beck…" The bottle in his hand was taken from him and he wanted to yell._

"_G-give me back my bottle!" Blindly he reached for it but he didn't find it. He could no longer open his eyes._

_Small hands were unbuttoning his shirt but they were too warm to be Jade's. He wanted Jade's cold hands._

"_Beck." The tips of someone's hair were ghosting against his now bare olive chest. Lips were fluttering against his ear. And his neck. But he couldn't feel anything. He was too far gone and he wanted Jade and all energy has left his body._

_When he woke hours later with no memory of the previous night, he easily thought he had slept with Tori when he found her naked under the sheets and clinging to him. He cried then for the first time since Jade left._

_He woke Tori. And when she saw his tear-stained face she knew it had worked and he had believed they had slept together._

"_Beck… I'm sorry." It paid to be an actress. She was getting what she wanted._

"_Just, please. Just help me forget."_

_And he slept with her that morning. Because it was easy. And he figured it was all he had left and all he could do. But it wasn't the same. Tori wasn't Jade but she was there and he just wanted to feel better._

_But afterwards, he only felt worse._

* * *

><p>"Goodnight, Jamie. I love you."<p>

She kissed her daughter on her forehead and wiped the last of her tears away. Because they were okay now. Because they had each other. And that's all they needed.

She stepped out of Jamie's bedroom as quietly as she could. She was exhausted. So exhausted, she couldn't find it in her to feel sleepy.

"Mark, you bastard! You lazy bum! I'm working my ass off 24/7 and you're sitting here shooting our electric bills through the roof!" It was the couple living in the apartment beside theirs. With how they argued, one would think they've been married for at least twenty years. But they themselves were only in their twenties.

Jade hated that couple. The man was a sleaze and the woman was a nag.

There was a crash. And Jade wanted to punch them both because if they woke Jamie, she'd go mad. So she figured she'd give them a piece of her mind. Because the old Jade West was still somewhere in there.

She was fully intent on making the couple suffer. She even brought an umbrella with her and a fresh pot of scalding hot coffee. The sight was funny but the look on her face said it was anything but.

She was equipped and determined. Until she opened the door.

She stared wide-eyed at the figure hunched across the hallway in front of her. There was only one explanation to this. _Cat._

She figured he was asleep since his head was buried in his folded knees so she began to gently tread back inside her apartment. But the lousy old floorboards creaked under her weight and his head shot up.

"Jade–" He was scrambling to his feet.

"No. Beck, no."

"Jade, please." But she already slammed the door in his face.

No, Beck wasn't giving up too quickly. This time, he wouldn't let her go without a fight.

"You can hide in there all you want, Jade, but I'm not going anywhere. You'll have to come out eventually." He yelled through the door and hoped beyond hope that she was right on the other side listening.

And she was. And she was crying once again. Because maybe she still wasn't okay. Because maybe she still needed him. She and Jamie still needed him. Maybe.


End file.
